


i'll be around

by rockruff



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Sexual Content, Unrequited Love, also some mentions of alcohol may aswell throw that in, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 07:53:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13430277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rockruff/pseuds/rockruff
Summary: There's something in Momo's eyes that Sana can never seem to place. The way it feels like even though she's looking at her, she's looking straight through her at the same time. Somehow, it makes Sana want to kiss her even more.





	i'll be around

Sana knows, it's not the same.

She can't really blame her, though.

The dorm is a little noisier than usual tonight. They're all gathered up on the couches and floor watching some dumb movie. Sana is leaning back against Dahyun, the younger girl keeping one arm locked around Sana's waist while her free hand plays with Sana's hair. It's soothing, and Sana likes how gentle Dahyun's touch is. But she can't keep her eyes away from Momo.

Momo, whose heart-eyes are glued to Nayeon. Momo, who had smiled stupidly and gave a delayed laugh at Nayeon's joke because she must have been just too busy staring at Nayeon's pretty face to get it straight away. Momo, who always looks like she's lost in some kind of content dream whenever Nayeon does _anything_.

Sana is jerked out of her thoughts when she feels Dahyun shifting against her, and hears her laughing. The room lights up in that same old lively atmosphere as more jokes are cracked about the movie, and Sana wants to smile. Wants to focus on what her friends are saying and laugh too and feel good about it.

But she wants Momo more.

Wants Momo to want _her_ more.

With a lazy stretch, Sana untangles herself from Dahyun and gets to her feet. In an attempt to distract her mind for just a few minutes, she asks if anyone wants drinks. Of course she's met with a long list of coffees, milkshakes and tea. She's thankful that Chaeyoung gets up to help her with them, and soon enough hands them out. Before she makes her way back to the couch, she switches the light off and feels just that bit more relaxed with only the glow from the television illuminating the room.

Dahyun is sipping happily on her hot chocolate, a look of pure bliss on her face, and Sana feels a bit proud knowing she made that drink for her.

But she scoots up next to Momo, instantly wrapping her arms around the girl. Momo's eyes are torn away from the television and finally meet hers; the sense of satisfaction that fills Sana's chest could be considered pathetic. But then Momo is smiling at her, cutely. And Sana thinks maybe she could melt in this moment. Melt into nothing and maybe be okay with it.

“You didn't want anything to drink?” Sana asks softly, trying not to disturb the others.

Momo only shakes her head. She leans back more against the couch, and Sana continues to cling to her. Her hand slips under Momo's shirt and she lets her fingers stroke along Momo's tummy. There's a shiver that Momo fails to suppress, and Sana grins against her shoulder.

“You sure?” Sana asks again. She leans in close to Momo's ear, breath hot. “There's nothing you want?”

The darkness that soaks into their forms is the only reason Momo allows this. Sana knows that. Kissing your members on the cheek and joking about dating them was one thing, but the way Sana's fingers are playing with the buttons on Momo's shorts and the way her lips graze against Momo's neck is different.

“I-I'm good,” Momo says.

Her voice is barely heard, and Sana thinks it's cute. She thinks that she should be grateful that only she gets to hear Momo with a voice like this. That only she gets to feel the way Momo's skin grows warm against her touch and her breathing becomes shaky. The side of Momo only Sana gets to experience; the side only Sana knows exists.

It wouldn't be enough. But it was enough _right now_.

Sana knows nobody is paying attention to them. But she lifts her arm up to the top of the couch, feeling around for the blanket as she pulls it over the both of them. She can feel Momo relax slightly under the cover. And then Momo's hand is resting on top of Sana's as Sana undoes the buttons on Momo's shorts. One, two, then the zipper is pulled down slowly. Momo's fingers curl over her hand; it's hot and a bit sweaty, and it feels like she's deciding whether or not to pull Sana's hand away just a bit. But she doesn't. She just leaves it there.

Sana's fingers gently run across Momo's tummy again. Traces along the softness of the skin, feels the way Momo twitches slightly under her touch. She dips her fingers low, down to the waistband of Momo's underwear before pausing. Sana leans in to kiss Momo's cheek, feeling the heat from the girl's blush against her lips. And Sana feels her heart drip into her stomach at the fact that Momo reacts this way to her.

It's enough for now.

She can feel the way Momo's stomach flexes ever so slightly as Sana's fingers continue to trail across her abs, touches feather-light. And then Momo is tilting her head towards Sana, a little huff of frustration leaving her mouth. Sana can't help but grin, kissing Momo's cheek once more.

She's not a tease.

But there is a rule that she has always stuck to. The most important thing to her. And it was that Momo always was the deciding factor. And unless Momo showed she wanted it, Sana didn't have it in her to overstep that far.

Because after all, this was all for Momo anyway.

There's a crash of glass and Sana almost jumps out of her skin. Momo still seems to be stuck in her little Sana-induced daze but Sana quickly pulls her hands away from her.

“ _Nooo,_ ” Chaeyoung whines from her sitting position on the floor. The light from the television shines against the puddle of milkshake in front of her and suddenly Jihyo is on her feet, running to the kitchen and switching the light back on in the process.

“How the hell did you even manage that?” Jeongyeon snorts, trying to pull up a sulking and stubborn Chaeyoung from the floor. Her clothes are all wet and yeah, it's kind of funny. But she wishes Chaeyoung had just held onto her drink tighter so her moment with Momo wasn't interrupted.

And then she wants to slap herself for being bitter at her innocent friend.

As Sana stands up, Momo looks back to her, eyes all big and confused and Sana wants nothing more than to kiss her. But Sana just tells everyone she's heading to bed, subconsciously ignoring the way Chaeyoung apologises for the disruption, and gives one last look at Momo.

Because part of her still hasn't given up.

It never really does.

_Will you come with me?_

There's something in Momo's eyes that Sana can never seem to place. The way it feels like even though she's looking at her, she's looking straight through her at the same time. Somehow, it makes Sana want to kiss her even more.

She gets ready for bed with her mind still stuck on Momo, and the cold water that splashes against her face doesn't do anything to wake her up from it. And so, staring up at the ceiling and pulling the blanket up to her chin, Sana waits. Waits to feel the bed dip and have a warmth envelop her and whisper in her ear and tell her anything and nothing at once.

She waits until her eyes feel heavy and her mind drifts away into sleep.

 

–

 

Sana knows, she asked for this.

She knows, she took second place instead of her dignity.

There's a smile that touches Momo's face in a way that Sana has never seen when Momo looks at her. It's a smile reserved only for that one person she could never be.

The rain is drowning out the silence of the hotel room, and she's thankful for it. With the window slightly open, there's a freshness to the air that keeps her awake. Part of her wants to press her face up against the foggy glass and peer our at the showers of rain that make clouds under the glow of the street lamps. But she can't will herself to move. It's almost as though she's sinking into the bed.

There's a swipe of a card key and the click of a door opening that makes her jerk.

A groan, and then a call of her name.

“Sana?”

For a second it feels like she's frozen in place.

Wet shoes squeak against the floor as an equally wet coat is shrugged off to reveal the person she didn't expect. That she thought would blow her off just like before, and—

“Momo,” Sana breathes.

She's on her feet in an instant, brushing the hair out of Momo's face that had gotten wet from the rain. It's stuck to her forehead and it's messy but she likes the way it looks. She takes in the sight of Momo's bare face; devoid of make-up. And she tries to fight the urge to just pull her in and kiss her because _god_ —why did Momo have to be so beautiful?

Instead, she brings her hand back to her side.

“Your hair's all wet. Didn't you wear a hood?”

“I did,” Momo says. “But the rain just attacked me anyway,” she grumbles, trying to fix her bangs. “Don't worry though, nobody saw me.”

Sana wants to say that she was more concerned over Momo getting all cold and wet and uncomfortable rather than if anyone saw her.

“I didn't think you were going to come,” Sana admits, moving to sit back on the bed.

The soft orange glow of the bedside lamp does wonders to the room. The rain outside is forgotten and now all Sana can focus on is how warm it seems. She can feel it; the tug at her heart when she sees Momo sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her shoes off so hard she almost falls forward. And then she settles down near Sana on the bed, leaning up against the headboard. There's an evident space between them, and Sana is looking at Momo but Momo seemingly finds it more interesting to stare at the wall ahead.

“...Why not?”

And then Sana finds that same wall more interesting too.

“The other night. Did I go too far?” Sana asks. There's a crack in her voice at the end and she wants to slap herself for it.

“No,” Momo says. “No, you didn't...”

“I thought you would come to bed with me.” And then Momo looks at her, a blush unable to hide. “To sleep. Or just, whatever.”

“I'm sorry.” Momo's hands that are in her lap are fidgety. The way she keeps playing with her fingers is just making Sana feel on edge. “It's—I just...”

And then there's a waver in her voice and Sana looks up at her eyes. Those puppy-like eyes that she loves so much and Sana feels her heart ache as she sees tears touching the corners of them.

The moment Sana moves closer and wraps an arm around her, Momo leans into her, head bowed and resting against Sana's. It's a sight Sana has seen only a handful of times before, but it never fails to consume her. To embed itself into Sana's memory and replay every time Sana felt sorry for herself instead; to remind her that Momo was hurting just as much.

She rubs her hand soothingly against Momo's arm.

“I'm not crying,” Momo mumbles.

Sana pulls her closer. “I never said you were crying,” she says as she feels the little drops of wetness fall onto her arm.

It's not often that Momo cries. Despite her wearing her heart on her sleeve, when it comes to tears, she's good at suppressing them. Almost like it was a burden and she didn't want to be _that person_ to their friends. But lately, it was almost like Momo had begun to crumble. Had begun to chip away at every piece of the puzzle that made herself who she was. And only Sana got to see it. Only Sana could hold her like this, could see her like this, could hear the way her voice would shake.

As selfish as it was, Sana was okay with that.

After all, that was the reason she was able to have Momo.

“I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing anymore,” Momo hiccups. “It—I mean, she just—”

A frustrated groan leaves her mouth but it sounds more hopeless that anything.

“When I see her smile like that, a-and, I feel myself smiling back... after that, I feel sad. Because, it's like... we don't feel things the same way. We aren't smiling the same way.”

There's a thickness in Sana's throat that she finds hard to swallow away.

She wants to ask; Momo, why do you torture yourself by indulging in the person you like, if they don't return your feelings?

And then she wants to ask herself; why are you such a hypocrite?

“Honestly,” Sana says. “She's missing out.”

Momo meets her eyes then, and Sana hates how puffy and red Momo's have gotten. The way her cheeks are wet and there's a little smile on her face that just doesn't reach her eyes.

But Sana smiles at her. Her warmest, most genuine smile.

“Seriously. Our unnie is such an idiot. She really doesn't deserve someone as cute as you,” Sana grins, pinching at Momo's cheek.

Momo instantly adopts a pout, eyebrows furrowing and pushing away Sana's hand. But there's an amused grin on her lips. It was never easy to decide on what to say in these situations. Sana spoke better with her actions rather than her words. It was what had brought them to where they were in the first place.

And sometimes, she wasn't alone on that feeling—

Momo's mouth is on hers in an instant. And the warmth of Momo's hand on her cheek as she pulls Sana in closer only serves to turn her into a puddle.

The way Momo kisses her is not sweet. It is not passionate and she can't feel much of anything as Momo runs her tongue along her bottom lip. She can feel the way her own body overcomes with a heat that's fuelled by lust, but she can't feel the spark from Momo that ignites it. So she tries to find it.

Every single time.

Sana tries.

Her hand lifts up to bury into Momo's hair, pulling her closer. She kisses her back, kisses her until she feels Momo move to straddle her thighs.

“You want me, right?” Sana asks, and she can't help the way her eyes, all glossy, desperately seek out Momo's.

Momo nods, biting the inside of her lip before moving back in to kiss her. But Sana stops her, pushing her back a bit.

“Hey,” Sana says softly. “Say it.”

“...I want you,” Momo says. It's low and Sana feels herself getting wet just from the sound of her voice. She wants to hate herself for it. For being so weak to Momo. But at the same time, she loves that Momo has this effect on her. “I want nothing else but you,” Momo says huskily, leaning in close to Sana's ear and causing her to shiver.

It's a lie. They both know it.

But Sana doesn't care; not right now.

Her hands go to the hem of Momo's shirt, wasting no time to pull it over her head. Momo cups her face, pulls her in for a kiss, and Sana's hands trail along Momo's exposed back. Her fingers find the clasp of Momo's bra to undo it, tugging it away. It's then that Sana breaks away from the kiss—Momo still eagerly trying to capture her lips but reluctantly being pushed back—and takes in the sight before her.

Sana really doesn't think her opinion is clouded when she says Momo has the most beautiful body she's ever seen. It's just a fact; from the blush that tints her cheeks, to the way her dark eyes become lidded. From her perfectly toned stomach, her pretty waist, all the way up to her full breasts. It's just that Momo is all she ever wants—ever _could_ want.

Leaning in, Sana takes Momo's nipple into her mouth and starts to suck. Momo laces her fingers through Sana's hair, and it's something that Sana has always loved; when Momo's fingers trail through her hair. When Momo strokes her head idly. It makes Sana feel like she's doing good.

Her hands grab at Momo's hips, brushing her thumbs along her hipbones and unable to get enough of just how soft Momo's skin is. She brings one hand up to Momo's other breast, squeezing and pawing greedily. She wants to touch all of her; wants Momo to feel Sana all over. Her tongue circles her now hardened nipple before grazing her teeth across it, and she feels Momo arching into her mouth, fingers becoming just that bit more tangled into her hair.

“More.”

Sana pulls her mouth away, opting to kiss lightly between Momo's breasts. She kisses a trail all the way up to Momo's collarbones, then her neck. Her teeth grazes against the sensitive flesh. She takes the skin between her teeth, her mind swimming, before biting down. The way that Momo lets out a whimper makes the wetness between Sana's thighs just that bit more distracting. She runs her tongue across the mark and sucks gently at the skin, before biting down again. But Momo's shaky voice speaks up.

“N-no, I said not to leave a mark...”

That was one of their rules.

And usually Sana would follow it, no questions asked. But—

Hands run up Momo's back, pulling the girl closer. There's just something about Momo tonight that Sana finds incredibly hard to resist, and she knows—knows she's being selfish and stupid—but—

“Just one,” Sana tries, pulling back to look at Momo's eyes.

Momo just seems conflicted, looking to the side.

“I'll let you do it to me, too,” Sana offers. And she knows, Momo doesn't care at all about doing that. But as Momo looks back at her and her eyes are coated in a glint that Sana finds so pretty, she pretends that Momo wants exactly that.

There's a small nod from Momo, and then Sana shifts them so that Momo is pinned beneath her. She wastes no time returning her mouth to her neck, all the while pushing her leg between Momo's thighs. Alternating between sucking and biting, Sana pulls away once she's satisfied she's made a mark to last. Her chest starts to feel fluttery, like she's just won a prize she's always wanted. Pulling back, she notes how Momo's eyes are closed and her chest is rising and falling and she looks so fucking good and there's a mark that Sana made against her skin that's red and raw with the love she has for her.

And Nayeon won't ever be able to take that fact away from her.

The moment Nayeon flickers through her mind, Sana feels the fluttering in her chest dissipate. Feels it turn into something cold and numb. Because even when Sana has Momo in the palm of her hand, Momo's heart still belongs to Nayeon.

Nayeon always, somehow, wins.

Her hands go to the buttons on Momo's jeans, undoing them quickly, hooking her fingers into the waistband and dragging them down. It's fast and she knows she's being too forceful because she feels Momo's stare glued to her. She's about to pull down her underwear but she pauses.

Looking up, she notices the curious look in Momo's eyes.

“What?” Sana asks, and she didn't mean for it to sound cold. But it did. When Momo doesn't answer, Sana fails to bite her tongue again. “You want me to fuck you, right?”

She was expecting Momo to just look at her all puppy-eyed again, but instead she gets an answer.

“Yes.”

There's a way that Momo says it. As if she completely dismissed every look in Sana's eyes that wanted a better answer. That knew something was wrong. And it makes Sana's chest tighten horribly. She throws away her patience, and instead slips her hand inside of Momo's underwear. Momo's already so wet, and she wants to take pride in that fact, but Sana can't help but feel like she did nothing to deserve it. Because when Momo looks at her, she can't tell if she's really looking at _her_ at all.

But Sana tries.

She tries to make Momo look at _her_.

She needs Momo to look at her.

Her fingers dip through the wetness, and Momo spreads her legs instinctively as Sana brings two fingers to her entrance. She teases her for a while, pushing in ever so slightly before pulling back out again. Her thumb brushes against Momo's clit, and she notices how Momo's eyes flutter slightly before closing once again. She wants Momo to look at her; to beg with her eyes. To see what Sana is doing to her and how Sana's eyes are dark and so fucking mesmerized with the sight of Momo beneath her. But Momo never does. And Sana doesn't want to know where her mind actually is.

She pushes in, deep and hard and Momo lets out a quick noise of surprise that melts into a moan. As Sana continues to pump her fingers inside of her, finding a rhythm, she settles back down beside Momo. Kisses her, tugs Momo's bottom lip between her teeth before biting down. She can feel Momo's hips bucking up into her hand, can feel how desperate she is.

Sana pulls back a bit to look down at Momo, her fingers not faltering. The way Momo's face is dusted in a blush and her mouth falls open slightly. The way those cute whimpers escape her lips every so often. The way she throws her arm over her eyes as she grinds against Sana's fingers, completely lost in the bliss Sana is giving to her.

It's an image Sana is sickeningly obsessed with.

But she wants more.

She brushes her thumb against Momo's clit again, feeling the girl twitch in response. She rubs and strokes all the while continuing to work her fingers inside of Momo. And Momo is close, she can tell. But—

Leaning back down to Momo, Sana brings her mouth close to her ear. Her heart feels as though it's going to just stop beating all-together, and she struggles to find her voice. But she just wants so badly to hear one thing.

“Momo,” Sana breathes. “Say my name.”

She doesn't get a reply, only being met with Momo's increasingly more desperate breaths. She knows she shouldn't push this. She wasn't supposed to ask for things like this. But—

“Momo, say my name. Please?”

And then she feels Momo tightening around her fingers.

“S-Sana,” Momo whines. “ _Sana..._ You feel so good, Sana _..._ ”

And Sana is pretty sure her heart just burst.

Her hand freezes for a second, Momo's words striking her like an arrow, before she realises the situation she's still in and continues to let Momo ride through her pleasure. She doesn't want to stop. She never wants this to end. Part of her thinks she just imagined it, but there was no way she imagined it when everything else feels so alive right now. Eventually she pulls her fingers away, slow and careful, and notices how Momo still hasn't removed her arm from across her eyes.

There's a quiet air that almost seems deafening as she waits for Momo to recover. Soon enough she pulls her arm away, and looks up at Sana with those gorgeous eyes she loves so much. And Sana can't help but smile. The memory of her name on Momo's lips still replaying in her mind over and over. She leans down, kissing Momo with a slowness and a passion she never allowed herself to do before.

Momo kisses her back; it's lazy but sweet and Sana feels herself melting into it. Something about it is so different but intoxicating at the same time. She deepens the kiss, wanting more. But then Momo is pulling her lips away and moving her head to the side. She just stares at the wall, or at nothing—Sana can't tell.

“Was it okay?”

Momo gets up then.

And Sana feels like her heart is being pulled out of her chest at the same time, being stretched and threatening to snap.

She can only let her eyes follow Momo dumbly as she watches the girl collect her clothing and throw them back on messily. She doesn't even bother to button up her jeans before she's already slipping her shoes on.

“W-wait, where are you going?”

Momo ignores that. Instead, she says, “It was good.”

She gives a small smile to Sana before pulling on her jacket and hood and making for the door.

Sana feels her breath escaping her. Feels as though she can't move. There's a mix of feelings inside of her but none of them make sense and she she feels like she's about to choke on them. She wants to tell Momo to stop, to pull her back; demand more of an explanation.

But Sana knows.

She deserves this.

 

–

 

The taste of alcohol on her tongue is met with a grimace. She hates it; the flavour, the scent, the fact it turns her into a fucking moron most of the time. But this time, she tries to suppress that side of her. Needs to, lest she fuck something up again. Still, she brings the bottle to her lips over and over until the last drop hits her tongue.

And then she gets another.

Usually, at times like this, Momo would be pulling her away some place quiet, indulging in the carelessness that alcohol brought her. Would encourage the way Sana kissed her all over and completely drown in the moment.

But Momo hasn't spoken to her properly since that night two weeks ago. Sana almost wants to laugh when she thinks about it. She knew it would end up like this someday. Because Sana is a fucking fool and why the fuck did she think it was a good idea to break the rules?

Her eyes stick to Momo like she has no other option; and part of it is true. She's been eyeing the girl the whole night and she feels from the ache in her forehead that she's only been frowning, albeit unintentionally. But Momo seemed to be just as interested in getting wasted tonight as Sana was. She's there dancing, and Sana has to admit that even despite the sway in her step she's still good at it. But the thing that makes Sana start to chew the inside of her cheek until the skin breaks is that Momo is dancing with Nayeon.

The friend she so loves but hates at the same time.

She shouldn't hate her—Sana knows that. She doesn't hate her, not really. But there was no other way to explain the feeling that continued to eat her alive every time she thought of the older girl.

Nayeon is touching Momo all over, a stupid grin plastered on her face. Momo leans back into her, and Sana can't quite place the expression on her face because her eyes are closed and she looks half-like she's just dreaming. That fact only makes Sana feel more irritated. The music is loud and Sana thinks it's tearing her ears apart, but she welcomes it. She wants to be drown out into nothing. Anything to escape this.

There's a poke at her side and she quickly turns her head to see Jihyo. The girl is as sober as ever, and Sana can't help but give a deadpan expression her way. Jihyo only laughs, before adopting a more considerate tone.

“Something on your mind?” Jihyo asks, and it's just loud enough that Sana can hear it through the music.

Sana hums, not really wanting to have this conversation.

“You're going to feel awful in the morning,” Jihyo says, and Sana already knows that. “In fact, you look like you feel awful right now.”

“Honestly,” Sana speaks, probably too loud because Jihyo flinches a bit. “I feel fucking brilliant. And so does everyone else,” she forces a smile, throwing her hand out to gesture to the rest of their members.

But as her eyes follow her hand, she notices that Momo and Nayeon have gone. There's a panic that settles into her tummy and she tries to push it away but her eyes scan across the room hurriedly. She gets to her feet, and her vision suddenly becomes dizzy. Before she can even move one foot forward, she feels soft arms wrapping around her waist from behind and then her eyes are enveloped in black.

 

–

 

The cold air nips at her skin. Keeps her from falling asleep in the empty room. Her eyes lazily flicker over the pale wallpaper, across the cheap lamp, the minimalistic picture-frame. Her fingers reach out to the white bedsheets, cold but soft to the touch.

The hotel room was becoming her new favourite place.

Away from everything.

Until there's a knock at the door.

Sana groans, rolling over onto the cold side of the bed, face-first into a pillow. She specifically asked for no room service, that was made clear every time. She feels her breathing becoming harder as she keeps her face pressed against the pillow, but then she hears a knock again. A specific knock reserved for only one person.

Her heart practically jumps as she recognises the pattern.

She gets to her feet, socks almost slipping on the wooden floor as she races to open the door. And then her heart jumps for a second time.

Hood just barely covering those dark brown puppy-like eyes. Momo's head is hung low, but she still peers up at Sana. And the way Momo is looking at her almost seems wounded. Sana feels her words stuck in her throat and unable to say anything, so she simply gestures for Momo to come inside. Momo doesn't even take off her jacket, she just leaves it on, hood still obscuring her face as she bows her head even lower.

The quietness that was once inviting was now only suffocating.

“Why are you here?” Sana asks. And she tries her hardest for it to sound like a genuine question—because it is. But Momo lifts her head up instantly.

“I know you probably don't want to see me,” Momo says. Her hand plays with the edge of her hood for a while before pulling it from her head. Sana can see now that Momo's eyes are puffy. “But, I... I need you right now.”

Sana feels hers insides growing hot at the words. Feels her chest tightening and fingertips tingling and she knows she shouldn't feel this way because how could Momo just pretend like she didn't exist and then come to her whenever she felt like it?

To give in to someone like this was the lowest of the low. A severe lack of self respect that would become the downfall of a person.

Sana knows this.

But she also knows she loves Momo too much.

So she steps closer to Momo. Wraps her arms around her waist and feels her mind spin as Momo kisses along her jawline. Feels Momo slip her hands under Sana's shirt and trail her fingers against her back. There's a part of Sana's mind that is begging her to stop; to push Momo away and tell her it's over. But that voice, the one Sana knows is right, is never the loudest. Instead, she pushes Momo back against the wall and slips off her jacket.

Momo already has her throat exposed, head tilted back and eyes lidded. Sana thinks that the sight of it is so disgustingly attractive that she could come just from looking at it. She places soft kisses all across Momo's neck, grazes her teeth across the delicate skin. Her fingers go to the buttons on Momo's shirt and undo it, all the while nipping every so often at Momo's neck. She can feel Momo's breath hitch and the way her hands reach behind Sana, cupping her ass through her jeans. She pulls Sana closer to her, and Sana finally thinks that maybe, just maybe—she's won.

She feels Momo squeeze her before bringing her hands back to Sana's face, pulling her away from her neck and guiding their lips together. It's rough and messy and Sana is in love with it. She barely has time to reciprocate as Momo turns her mind into a clouded mess.

But then Momo pulls back, a lazy smile on her lips. Sana just stares at her for a moment all half-dazed at the sight of how pretty she is, before trying to continue what she was set on doing earlier. She needs Momo, right now. She unbuttons Momo's shirt and parts it, running her hand up Momo's toned stomach. But as her eyes trail up, her vision settles on something unfamiliar. Just above Momo's collarbones, a decoration of purple and red marks, ruining her perfect skin.

Her heart stops, she's sure of it.

Sure of it because suddenly she has lost the ability to breathe and Momo is saying something to her but she can't hear any of it. It's not until she blinks and feels Momo's hand on her cheek that her heart gives her a second chance. There's a thickness in her throat that struggles to be swallowed away, but she brings her eyes back to Momo's.

And all she sees is guilt.

That same wounded puppy from earlier.

“Something happened,” Sana says, and it's sharp and cuts right through Momo, she can tell. She steps away from Momo, walks over to the window. She's starting to feel hot and the cold air from the window isn't helping but she'll pretend it does. “Something happened. What was it?”

The sound of Momo's footsteps grow near, but Sana keeps her eyes on the lit-up buildings and street lamps outside.

“We don't need to talk about this right now. Come on,” Momo urges, stepping closer but not close enough.

“Tell me.”

There's a moment of silence and Sana hates every second of it. But just then, Momo speaks.

“Sana... I fucked it all up,” Momo says, a waver in her voice. “I fucked up so bad, Sana.”

Sana wants to laugh. Because she loves the sound of her name on Momo's tongue but right now it only makes her feel sick.

“What happened.”

This time, Sana looks at her. And it seems to get the point across, because Momo starts fidgeting with her hands again like she usually does when she's about to say something important.

“Nayeon and I...” Momo swallows. “Last night, we slept together.”

Sana feels her body grow light. Her mind turn numb.

Slowly, Momo continues. “W-we were drunk... I mean, I remember it. So I guess I wasn't that drunk. But, we ended up together. I actually thought it was happening. I thought we could finally be together,” Momo says, her voice trembling. “It felt amazing,” she adds quietly.

But Sana heard it.

And she feels the bitterness clawing its way through her veins.

“In the morning, though,” Momo says, dumbly wiping away her tears. “She was so disgusted. She told me nothing happened. That we were being stupid and it could _never_ happen. Said she knew about my feelings for her and got caught up in the moment, but it was a mistake.” She lifts her head and looks at Sana, wet eyes piercing right into her own. “She wouldn't even look at me.”

The numbness in Sana's brain starts to fade, and suddenly a thousand thoughts crash through her mind. She thinks of how when she was blacked out with Jihyo taking care of her, Momo and Nayeon were fucking. How Sana could have maybe prevented it if she would have stopped being such a coward and just spoke to Momo instead of glaring at her from across the room. How in the morning when her throbbing headache begged her to sleep more, Momo and Nayeon were dealing with the aftermath of their night.

“And now you need me?”

“I know it was dumb of me,” Momo mumbles. She makes her way to Sana, leaving barely any space between them. “I knew it wouldn't ever happen.”

“But aren't you happy that you at least got to fuck her?”

Momo's face scrunches up at Sana's tone, but Sana keeps her own face straight. “No... it only hurts more. There was no love,” Momo says, as though it was so obvious.

“Really,” Sana hums. “Then what the fuck are _we_ doing?”

Though Momo's eyes widen, she keeps quiet. Keeps quiet for all of ten seconds before speaking up. “It's different.”

“How?” Sana asks, and she tries so hard to keep her voice steady but this time, it only comes out desperate.

“Because I want to be here with you,” Momo says. She closes the space between them, reaching out for Sana's hand and lacing their fingers together. “And you feel something for me, don't you?”

The question makes Sana flinch.

“What?”

“Maybe I'm wrong but, for a while it just seems as though you like me or something.”

Sana feels herself grow cold. She pulls her hand away from Momo's, not missing the hurt expression on the other girl's face.

How long had Momo known this? How long had Momo been treading all over Sana's feelings with the knowledge that Sana wanted more? She looks back at Momo and sees someone unfamiliar.

“I-I said that because, after what happened, I thought maybe we don't need anyone else. It can just be us,” Momo tries.

“You don't love me,” Sana says.

“I can try. I want to.”

Sana feels the tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. But she doesn't want to let them fall. She won't. Instead, she feels the fire in her stomach rise up to her chest.

“What are you even saying?” Sana snaps. She hates how she sounds when she's angry. She doesn't want to speak this way to Momo—god, she doesn't want to hurt Momo in the slightest. But— “You only want me now because you don't have anyone else. But then again, that's how it's always been.”

Momo opens her mouth, but closes it.

Sana knows, she's a fool. She knew they were playing a risky game, but she never thought that _she_ was the game Momo was playing. Her feet want to carry her away, and her shoulder bumps against Momo's harshly as she heads for her jacket. But there's a hand that grips her arm, tugs her back.

“Sana, wait. I'm sorry,” Momo says. And her voice is so fucking sincere. It's sincere and laced with hurt and guilt so why can't Sana think of anything other than the fact that Momo's face makes her feel sick right now? “Please just stay.”

Those three words. Those three words that Sana knows she would have been on cloud nine if she ever heard before. To feel so wanted and needed by the girl she loved the most. But now, they only made her realise she would never been seen as anything other than a toy to Momo. And she knows, she could ignore that fact. Could turn around and kiss Momo and mark her and finally have her all to herself. But tonight, Sana experienced something for the first time.

Experienced a part of Momo that she found undesirable.

“You never stayed for me. I won't stay for you.”

 


End file.
